History
Like all things of pure goodness in the world I come from the Northern Suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. A special place called Epping that has a train line named after it, and the world's best pizza place (Greenbrook Dial-A-Pizza). My upbringing was painfully working class, which is like being painfully middle class except we were often broke. My mother is a liberal librarian who likes to organise things, my father is an anal golfer who likes to watch things.
I was a prick at school, and then I left. This explains my complete lack of education. At the end of my schooling experiment I really only went to media classes, to play basketball and if there was a creative writing class in English. I learnt nothing in school that relates to anything scholastic. I didn't even learn the word scholastic there.
My one great lesson at school was from a teacher named Miss Hooper. She was my English teacher in year 11, and one day we had to write a short story in the style of Australian laureate Tim Winton. I fucken hate Tim Winton, and I complained like a wounded dog. Eventually I did the shitty story, and I got an "A". Miss Hooper refused to believe I had written the story because in her words, "I don't think your smart enough to write something that good". She might be right, but I get paid to write now, so she can chomp down on my ass all the same.
It took me a few years to find a job this cushy. Over the years I have worked for an airline, a car park company, many factories, a couple of call centres, some shops, one supermarket and a cult. Then I started running a film production company. After a religious epiphany while making propaganda films for the Catholic Church I decided to come to England to make it as a cricket writer.
If you hate my writing you should probably blame my parents. My dad was a smart ass cricket coach, and my mum kept making me read wacky sci-fi when I was a kid. Plus when I was six I saw Evil Dead. The original, not Army of Darkness.
I reside in South London, close enough to the Oval Café to make me happy. I am recently married, have no cats, am not sure if I will continue to collect bobble head dolls (I have two) and plan to walk the familiar path of cricket writer turns fucked up fiction writer in the near future.
That is enough, isn't it.
PS: I like Godzilla and cults.
